my spotify account

11/6/24.

i just wanted to give a shout out to all the music on my spotify account. every song and every playlist. i have two main playlists: one for rap and the other for every other genre. my spotify account is something that is pretty dear to me because music has been such a huge part of my life for almost a decade now. i didn't have a premium membership at first so i would always listen to those long ads to get the thirty minutes of ad free music, which was probably used to listen to broccoli and bad and boujee. i've been compiling different tracks throughout these years, as i'd say each of my two main playlists are almost 2,000 songs long now. in these playlists is a chronological order of songs that are almost like a reflection of my life (primarily in middle and high school). pretty crazy to think about. sometimes i like to scroll down my liked songs and stop my finger at a random spot. its almost like digging up a time capsule because whenever i do it, i see about ten songs that embody the period of time from when i first found them or when they first released and was listening to them nonstop. it's nice to look back and see how far i've grown. i'm so grateful that im able to use spotify. but it's scary to think that if there was a glitch and my account got deleted, all these memories would be lost. im afraid that a timeline that was built over many years would be taken away with no remorse. i don't own most of my music, i've just been compiling them into playlists. some albums i've bought on CD, but the rest have just been through spotify. this thought got put into my head after one of my friends showed me that his apple music account that got erased because his dad stopped their subscription. i don't know if he got his shit recovered, but if not, that would be really devastating. i think downloading all my music into a thumbdrive would prevent this but i feel like that would be hard to maintain.

banana milk

10/24/24.

yesterday i was in LA, over by the staples center area/south LA. i was there to take a tour of this school and when i was done, i decided that i wanted some boba, specifically boba guys. boba guys is kinda fancy so i thought that if i went to one, it would be in a nice safe area. it was like three miles north and instead of taking an uber, i opted to walk an hour up to westlake. i could've taken the metro but for some reason i didn't think of that. im not too familar with the area but still i decided to say "fuck it" and just go. on my journey i saw a lot of interesting stuff. i walked under freeway overpasses, next to some tents. i saw a lot of people selling different stuff on the streets: clothes, food, soap. there was a vendor who had this snapback hat that caught my eye. the buildings and houses were painted different colors and there were different flags and handpainted signs everywhere. i saw some school children walking around with their moms. it was cool. i had my earbuds in, playing some section.80. i probably sound very ignorant right now because the people who actually live in these areas probably don't see much beauty there, but that's just how i felt. usually when im at boba guys, i'll order the strawberry matcha latte, but this time i decided to order the korean banana milk. i don't think i've had banana milk before but it sounded pretty good to me since i like banana bread and just bananas in general. dude that shit is gas. so good. i honestly have no idea how im gonna describe it but it's got this oat taste with a hint of saltiness. and of course banana-ness. it's fire. you gotta try it. next time i go to boba guys, i'll probably order it again. i demolished that shit and then hopped on the bus back to pomona. cool day.

here me out...

10/10/24.

bruh lowkey cheeseburgers be helllaaa good. especially in n out burgers. bro why is getting in n out actually such a joyful experience?? like you and all ur homies get in the car, play some loud ass music on the way there, get in line, see some people you know from school, sit in a booth while you wait for your order, then eat the fuck out of some good ass burgers. pulling up to the in n out by the landing at 10pm is a secret art. like bruhs do not play when there's in n out around. its strictly business. zero talking, zero thinking, 100% eating. bruhs be wanting to steal your fries. you kinda gotta fight for your life. shit got me tapping in to my primal instincts. i feel like a caveman pouring that spread on my burger and dipping my fries into all that ketchup. call me whatever you want but i love eating some good ass food. shit brings me joy. have yall ever eaten at super duper burger??? bro that shit can make the hardest thug wanna cry TEARS. the one in marin actually holds a special place in my heart. best burger and fry i've had in my life. imma keep it a band with yall. when i go to super duper burger, instead of ordering a burger with two patties, i be ordering two seperate single cheeseburgers instead. why would i pay extra for another patty? i'd rather just pay extra for a whole other burger. im not sorry to be honest. dick's burgers in seattle is some gas too. shout out dicks burgers. shit is cheap asf. yall probably aint even heard of that tho. lmaooooooo. im tapped into a whole different scene than yall. btw i dont be wanting to try shit burgers. im scared of trying mcdonalds, wendys, or burger king quality burgers. that shit looks nasty and evil. im sorry i just had to clarify that.

commentary youtubers

10/3/24.

i think that commentary youtubers are so dumb. im talking about the genre of videos that people like kurtis conner and jarvis johnson make. every one of these youtubers is just some boring ass white dude who just hates on shit. each one of them are all the same, none of them have original or interesting ideas to share. every video is of them finding something that's obviously bullshit and then calling it out for being trash. most of the things they hate on are usually stuff that's already being hated on. it's just banking off whatever's under fire. it's no different than what keemstar does with drama alert. these youtubers follow two formats. its either "cheap product is bad" or "person did a controversial bad thing". they'll usually title their videos, "the problem with..." or "the... situation is bad." i dislike these type of videos especially because they act like some morally perfect person who has the right to hate on everything. the quality of their commentary is almost always poor because they only choose to speak from one perspective. everytime they make a review, they say that they'll try to keep an open mind and be unbiased but that's never the case. for example i clicked on this jarvis johnson video because it was on the front page and i was curious about the mr beast thing. he did a review on the new mr. beast lunchables that is, of course, a very controversial topic that is niche on the internet right now. him and his friend, jordan adika, sit down to try out the product. mr. beast, logan paul, and ksi teammed up to make a lunchables type product that includes both mr. beast chocolate bars and prime. probably the two products that bring the most joy to little kids. genius right? i watched the video as jarvis and jordan (two grown men, not apart of the target audience at all) slowly nitpick every small detail and give every reason why they hate the product. before they even tried the food, they prefaced the review by talking about allegations (which were unexplained) and lawsuits that mr. beast has had to deal with. and of course jarvis had to explain that he "does not have any alligences" with mr beast. jordan says "as a brand, i don't really like any of the people involved in it". so already, they've created this bias against the product before they've even tried it. in the rest of the video they just point out every imperfection of the lunchly product: the size of the packaging, and taste of the food. although it is a simple lunch product that is meant to feed elementary schoolers who probably don't give a fuck, jarvis and jordan review it like it's supposed to be some perfectly packaged gourmet meal. i guess you can argue that the lack of quality shows that mr beast doesn't care about product development and the consumer, but he just launched the product. there is no way they were gonna get everything right the first time. i thought that they could have been more open-minded and tried to understand perspective a bit more, instead of just recklessly hating. to be honest, i only watched like 5 minutes of this 22 minute long clip that was apart of an 1:30 long podcast but i think i got the gist of their video already. there could've been other ideas in the rest of the video but i didn't really feel like it was necessary to watch. now think about all the people who clicked this video and did the same thing. they clicked on the video, probably expecting them to talk to shit, and then clicked off once they heard it. they walked away from the video only taking away a singular message; that lunchly sucks. it's stuff like this that i think can really harmful to society. with all the controversies and bad shit commmentary youtubers call out, they create this fanbase and culture of people who form such unrealistic moral expectations for the people around them. they put out this boring ass public image for people to inherit. one that is afraid to do anything that can be seen as problematic. idk. it promotes people to surround themselves with yes men and reject conflicting views. p.s. i used to be subscribed to a lot of these youtubers but i stopped after their videos became more about hating then the actual comedy. like the cody ko vape hotbox video is something you watch when you wanna laugh, not so you can analzye controversies and shit. in that drew gooden video, the commentary youtubers, who are all friends, come together like the avengers to give a similar, singular opinion, even though there's like 5 of them. also i still got love for drew gooden and danny gonzalez. i loved watching danny's minecraft twitch streams during lockdown.

flying

10/1/24.

recently i've just been walking around campus, thinking to myself about how awesome it would be if i was able to fly. like if i just starting levitating outta nowhere in front of all these other people. i think that shit would be hilarious. realistically, it would blow peoples minds. people actually seeing someone defy gravity like that for the first time. and it's so funny to think that i would be the first person to do it. out of all the people in the world: chernobyl survivors, billionaires, athletes, i was the one to finally be capable of the impossible. do you know how much shit i would be able to do if i could fly? like i could dunk a basketball. jumping off buildings would be the funnest thing ever. if i was ever talking to some annoying ass person, i would be like "you know what? fuck this." then raise my fist up and fly straight up in the air. dude i could listen to music while in the sky. do you know how much that would change the game? i could listen to fly me to the moon while literally flying to the moon. oh my goodness. nah i would be humble and just levitate to class, only 3 feet off the ground. sort of like kendrick in the alright video. that would save me so much time. plus i would look like a badass. the closest thing i could get to flying irl would be paragliding i guess. like shooting yourself off a mountain with a parachute. damn near like fortnite. around the end of summer i was hiking up this hill and went i got to the top, i was just imagining how it would feel to glide down-fortnite style. i put my arms up and looked out into the distance to sort of pretend like i was doing it. this was in the oakland hills so i was tryna map out where i would land. im dropping berkeley forsure. it felt awesome bro, no funny shit. next time youre on top of some tall ass shit you should try it.

disneyland

9/30/24.

my parents came down to visit me over the weekend and we went to disneyland. i've been a few times before but i was a dumbass little baby so i don't really count them. a big story my parents like to bring up is when i got lost at disneyland and had to stay in the lost in found part of the park until they found me. i must've told somebody that i was lost because i ended up there somehow, but i imagine how crazy it would be if i got abducted or someshit. i could've been adopted into some family of ninjas and raised to be a great warrior. or maybe i would've gotten sold on the black market and forced to smoke cigarettes by some creep. thank god i didn't am i right? that would suck ass. i've seen a lot of stuff on the internet about disney adults: middle class mothers who go bat shit crazy over disney. of course i think they're fucking insane but also there's a part of me that understands. like maybe they had a rough childhood and now have the opportunity to gain some of the childlike experiences they never got to. however, i did see a mom freak the fuck out when it was her turn to take a picture with goofy and i thought that was kinda terrifying. i underestimated the amount of lines that was gonna be at disneyland. my parents and i were not tryna stand around for 80 minutes to go on the tea cups. the rides we did end up going on was this star wars one, pirates of the carribean, and the haunted mansion. out of all of them i'd say pirates of the carribean was the best. they really put a lot of effort into the design of that one. the animatronic pirates were freaky as fuck, which kinda fit the vibe. it made me realize that i lowkey don't think i fw pirates. like all they do is steal shit? like that's all they do? they're lowkey some bums. like i saw one of them getting chased by this poor lady around a signpost. they were just going in circles, around and around. that's fucked up. imagine some dirty ass stank ass pirate steals your shit and got you spinning around some vertical structure. i would be pissed. and all his dusty ass homies who got no future just laughing at you. that's fucked. im not gonna lie i did get a little scared during the drops. it was hella dark in there and shit was going down mad fast. and i wasn't tryna get wet. haunted mansion was lit too. the holograms were trippy as fuck. i do have memories of going on that ride before, because i remember how scared i was of the creepy ghost dudes in the paintings. i don't remember sitting in the seats and going through the mansion. that had to have been new. i wanted to make sure to talk about something i saw in the gift shop after i went on the ride. it was this toy set of sally and this other dude named gus... who the fuck is gus?? i've only seen nightmare before christmas once or twice but im almost positive there was no character named gus. imma insert a picture. i searched it up and found nothing about him being in the movie. it's all just pictures of the toy. and why the fuck is he posted up like that?!! why do i lwk fuck with him? this looks like some shit chief keef would do. like put bro in some true religions with a polo under a puffer vest and that's damn near chief keef. alright i know i was talking about disney adults earlier and how their behaviour kinda bothers me, but im not gonna lie, i was looking for hidden mickeys the whole time i was there. this is stupid as shit, but if you don't know what a hidden mickey is, it's almost like a easter egg that the disneyland designers put into the small details of the park. it'll be in the shape of the mickey mouse logo. this is my understanding of what they are, if im wrong, send me an email and i will apologize. but yeah, i was tryna find one hella bad. i was walking around the park looking at sewer grates, rock formations, cracks in the sidewalk, iron fences. i was fiending almost. if i found one, i was gonna go on instagram and make a whole joke about it, but sadly, i don't think i found any. there was mickey shaped things at the front but i think they're too obvious to count. overall i'll rate my experience a solid 7/10.

food

9/27/24.

i've been eating rice cakes and granola bars every day for the past few weeks. and it's lowkey yummy and delicious. i used to have a box of madeleines that my grandma gave me but i ended up eating all of them hella fast. i never really got full off eating one so i had to grab another, and then maybe another. bruh i think i was eating like 3-4 of them at a time lmaooo. but yea, after all the madeleines were finished i had to go to the store to get something else. (i could eat the food in the dining hall but is lwk a journey away and that shit sucks.) i love potato chips but they lwk make me feel like shit after i eat them. same with fruit snacks. i knew that rice cakes and granola bars were the best option since they're prob the least artificial snacks in target. well other than actual fruit, but i dont got my own fridge. since then, it's been a diet of straight rice and oats. my daily food intake here, on average, is like 2 rice cakes, 4 granola bars, and then 1 plate of panda express. sometimes i'll go to qdoba instead of panda but that's only when i wanna treat myself. essentially 1 meal and some change. i wonder how that's affecting my mood... (yall dont wanna know how its been affecting my bowel heath)

brown sperrys and gray hoodie

9/10/24.

back in freshman year i bought this hoodie from the thrift store. it was a gray russell brand hoodie that said ucd on the front. it was a staple in my wardrobe. everything from the shade of gray, to the fit of the hood was perfect. i took the patches off though, because i wanted it to be completely neutral and blank. on most days in alameda, the temperature outside was so perfectly balanced that wearing a hoodie and some shorts was the perfect uniform. i never really had a proper raincoat so on rainy days i would wear the hoodie underneath a windbreaker. that hoodie had been with me everywhere up until the last moment of senior year, when i went to grad night. i brought the hoodie to the gymnasium but decided to take it off since it was so hot and musty in there. my dumbass decided to put it behind a couch, where i thought i'd remember to pick it up before i left. like 4 hours went by and i obviously did not remember to take it. my favorite hoodie was left behind... smh! in the summer before junior year, my grandparents from the phillippines were staying at my crib. my grandpa was is in the us navy so he gets to shop at the base in travis without having to pay any taxes. everytime they'd drive up there, they would bring back hella shit. one day i was chilling watching tv and found this pair of brown sperrys under the couch. i tried them on and they fit perfectly, so i just asked my grandpa if i could just have them. those sperrys became apart of my uniform, along with the hoodie. they're the perfect shoe in my opinion. i like how they look when i wear shorts with white socks but also when i wear baggy jeans. they look like formal loafers but have the comfortability for me to run around. at the time, i was working at the senior home on bay farm. i would wear them while i was working, and then go to leydecker park right after to play basketball. i wore them everywhere, including to a lil uzi vert concert back in november of last year. this was a huge mistake because the floor was so crowded that people damn near had to stand on eachother's feet. whenever the crowd would jump i would feel my shoes slowly start to slip off more and more. eventually my left shoe came off and i couldn't do a single thing about it. like 30 seconds later somebody must have found it, but instead of keeping it on the floor where i could find it after the show, they chucked that shit across the venue. i deadass saw it fly through the air while uzi was blasting in my ear. i thought my toes were gonna be ripped off. i took the bart home without a left shoe. i was all sweaty and gross too. nasty work. i went this whole summer without my hoodie, even longer without my sperrys. eventually i started to not feel like myself. i was half the man i was. so the other week i decided i had enough. i went on depop and looked for brown sperrys and a gray russell hoodie. i couldn't find the exact makes and models of the ones i had before, but i thought it was good enough. the sperrys arrived last week and i've wearing them almost exclusively since. my hoodie got here today but it's a size larger than the old one so im thinking about reordering the right size. so far it feels like ive been reunited.

riding the bus

9/10/24.

since i moved to pomona, i've been riding the bus everywhere. i didn't bring my van down here so taking the bus is my only option. and to be honest, i kinda enjoy it. it gives me down time to stare out the window while listening to music, or read a book. it's pretty cheap too. pomona students get free bus passses for the foothill transit lines. and going down to irvine only cost a dollar cause you gotta transfer to the 57, which is through OCTA. as someone who isn't from socal, taking the bus is slowly helping me learn the layout of the area, especially san gabriel valley. over this past weekend, i took the bus back from long beach after visiting some friends down there. bus routes are interesting because, for some reason, the metro took me towards downtown LA. (LA is west, while pomona is more eastern.) on the ride there i sat next to a sleepy mexican man who i tried not to bother. i had my earbuds in and listened to some flower boy, which i associate with LA weather. in front of me was a very helpful woman who picked up my chapstick when it fell out of my pocket and gave directions to this other woman who seemed to not know which stops to get off at. in front of that lady was a quiet man wearing a pair of off white sunglasses and an off white bag. i made sure to give him a compliment before he got off the bus. across the walkway was another old mexican man wearing an outfit i really liked. he had this fire yankees fitted on with a wrangler shirt and some workboots. very proportionate. he carried a snack basket with peanuts and lucky charms, which he offered to the people around him. sitting across from me, on the right, was a homeless man (i assume) with a head of short blonde hair that looked really cool constrasted with the complexion of his skin. he looked like he got to curate a unique sense of style throughout his life. or maybe he's just wearing the only clothes he got. idk. he wore a collared dress shirt under a clippers tshirt and a brown corduroy blazer as the top layer. he carried a pink guitar along with the rest of his stuff. and as he was getting off, a kind man who just got on, helped him carry his bags. it turned out that i was on the wrong bus the whole time. it dropped me off like 6 blocks from where i supposed to go and i had to walk through DTLA, to the stop at 5th and olive. i hadn't used the bathroom since san diego (i was in sd before lb), so i may or may not have emptied my bladder on a fence, while making sure that nobody was looking. while i waited for the montclair silver streak to come, i met this dude who's name i already forgot. i think it was chris? we talked about his friend who's in the airforce, flying drones. i told him it was cool but i was thinking about how that bruh's probably killed hella people which is kinda questionable. we sat at the stop together and talked for like 20 minutes until the 570 drove by. once he saw it, he started chasing it on his penny board. apparently the 570 couldve taken me towards montclair so i tried to follow him, but he skated away too fast and was nowhere to be seen once i caught up to the bus. later on my journey back home, i waited for the bus on the side of the freeway and a roach crawled on me a couple times. weird.